I sent a rambling note to seek help from friends.
They definitely would freak out, I thought in horror.
Hours later when I cooled off, I sent another text before hearing back from them. “Sorry, I didn’t know what I was thinking when I wrote it. I must have been demented then.”
Well, here is the thing — No, I DID know what I was thinking at the time. And no, I was NOT demented.
But why do we think we are making a fool out of ourselves at the time?
Because we are ashamed, ashamed of our true self.
We don’t have guts to admit to our friends (and sometimes foes) that, we are what we are, then and there. We are afraid to be exposed, to be stripped off, with nothing to hide.
We are afraid that people would call our names — Hey, you idiot, freak, faggot, weirdo…
That hurts. We feel the impulse to hide away and escape from speaking our minds, ever again.
But there is another soothing voice in our head whispering — It’s okay. Be yourself. You are the bravest person I know. And I am damn proud of you.
“Really? You really think so?” You still can’t believe what you’ve heard.
But slowly, you crawl out of your safe haven, showering again under the sunlight.
How does it feel?
Not as bad as you thought, eh?
Good. Then repeat what you’ve been doing. Go create something. Go make a ‘fool’ out of yourself again. Because, a fool or not, that’s in the eye of the beholder. And that’s no business you can change.
But just remember, I, will always be there for you, if you listen, from within.