I thought you planned to stay in the US.
Yeah, I thought so, too. But it isn’t like I were married to some French dude which allows me to split time between Paris and Shanghai. Life would be simpler if some American dude popped the question whom I wanted to say yes to. Last time I checked, I had zilch proposals in my archives. Or maybe I should check my hearing, or vision?
I didn’t get the work visa lottery this time. But I’ll apply for the artist visa next year, hopefully.
I finally conjured up this beige answer.
I guess I would bump into a lot of questions like this when I’m back home. MIA for three years. Of course my Chinese ‘friends’ would assume I would’ve become an American.
So now you want to come back?
I can see their thought bubbles bloating.
Sick of being a stranger in a strange land, I want to re-surround myself with familiarity back home, only to be estranged by those whom I used to call friends, and now I have to suss them out before I board those friendships which might’ve wrecked with the RMS Titanic in 1912.
Oh, by the way, the woman had removed me from her WeChat. I only found out when I reached out to her…
Why would she delete me? I don’t even post stuff anymore on Moments.
And why would I send her an invite again? Well, I kind of want to dare her.
I don’t use WeChat that much.
She explained when she added me back.
I wanted to call her bullshit.
But truth is, I felt hurt. Yeah, by this acquaintance whom I haven’t seen for three years.
Truth is, I thought she was a friend. She must know what it feels like to be away from home, to try to make a new home base abroad.
Oh wait, her Parisian husband had it all taken care of. And having two kids in an EU country? She must get lots of benefits.
See what I’m doing? I’m judging her without trying to get to know her.
Just why on earth would I ask to interview her for my podcast? She wouldn’t even check out the 60s trailer I sent over.
Oh, you have a podcast now? I will spend time later and savor (细细品味) it.
Later means never.
So savor my ass, bitch.
But wait, why would I be so defensive? It’s me who wants something from her after all.
Here and there, I struggle to acquaint with people whom I find interesting because we’re cushioned by these social niceties. Can’t we just be real for once?
Hence, I launched my podcast, started this blog.
What I say may sound harsh, or politically incorrect even.
But here I am
In my empress’s new clothes
Sans social nicety
Nursing a shot of reality