Babies for sale

Craigslist is a classified advertisements website with sections devoted to jobs, housing, for sale… Today, I finally posted some for sale on Craigslist.

My Oxford-green bike…
My plywood coffee table…
My sturdy drying rack…

Over the course of three years, I bought them all fresh out of the beige boxes.

A single child at heart, I was never a fan of hand-me-downs.

Friend helped me buy everything on Wayfair and the rest from IKEA. We even bought canvas paintings to give the apartment a little more flavor…

IMG_1785

I asked her if it was worth it.
Friend brushed my doubt aside, “You would stay in this apartment for three years at least.”

I believed her. I wanted to. And I chose to.

Truth is, I didn’t want to doubt my future in America. And I didn’t want to be the one to doubt. Secretly, I thought I could blame my friend for wasting my money later if things went south.

Now is later. A full year later. 

When I got up this morning, I made a decision.

One post after another, I listed my babies on Craigslist.

One item after another.  I detached myself from them. I have to stop loving them before I say goodbye. They are out in the world on display. Because I can’t protect them any longer.

I don’t have to rely on the fishy landlord to give me a decent price for my babies.

At least now I may have some leverage, some control in this life that is pulling me in all directions.

I still need to take photos to make the ads more believable…

But now, I just want to take a moment and hold my aching heart.

I vow that I won’t be this ‘lavish’ again until I have $1m in my bank account.

Let’s see how long that might take.

 

Yours truly,
YZ

Packed

Not my stuff back to China, I wish.

But today’s schedule.

  • I have a podcast interview with a new friend from the Podcast Fellowship at 10:45;
  • A lunch meeting at 12:30 about a potential short film collaboration;
  • Then a dinner meeting at 7.

So that’s what it can look like when people are “between assignments,” they can schedule their day on their own terms.

But why doesn’t everyone do it?

  • Money? That’s fear.
  • Ego? That’s fear.
  • Rejection? That’s fear.
  • Failure? That’s fear.
  • Risk? That’s fear.
  • Busyness? That’s still fear.
  • Boredom? That’s fear through and through.

 

I will come up with a list of people whom I know back in China and elsewhere that are established entrepreneurs and see how they’ve done it.

As for a potential job in China’s film and entertainment industry, I haven’t ruled that one out yet. If I just want to be an entrepreneur for the sake of it, that would be the wrong reason to start.

These possibilities are scary, but also exhilarating.

The bottom line is: Can I learn? Can I grow? Can I evolve? Can I change things?

 

Yours truly,
YZ

Five days later

Five days ago, I was let go.

Five days later, I let it go.

Five days ago, I was depressed.

Five days later, I’m decompressed.

Five days ago, I was full of dread.

Five days later, I’m full of dreams.

Five days ago, I recoiled in fear.

Five days later, I allow myself to dare.

Five days ago, I played victim.

Five days later, I’m my own hero.

Five days ago, I stuffed down a whole pint of mint chip ice cream.

Five days later, I’m content with the organic salad and Paul Newman dressing.

Five days ago, I couldn’t drag myself out of the apartment.

Five days later, I beg my trainer to kick my ass till I’m out of his hair.

Five days ago, you tell me five days later I would be happy and free. I might ask you to fuck off.

Five days later, I look back at myself from five days ago. I have trouble recognizing that person.

Five days,
120 hours later,
I shine like a new penny.

Make it count.

 

Yours truly,
YZ

PS. I’ve decided to quit my free UCLA Extension course. And I do it out of love.